I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
