So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
