I wannas sexs uuuuu
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
