arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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