and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
