remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
Itβs about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize