It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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