either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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