nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the night ended with taco bell and tears
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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