census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
