I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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