I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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