I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
