Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize