Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
