just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
