She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize