I want to walk on stilts...naked
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
