GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
