get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
