Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize