$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
