You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
