I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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