I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
