party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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