I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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