The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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