Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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