you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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