Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
