i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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