you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
