i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I love having hate sex.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
