Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
