did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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