are you so shy because you have an std?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i think i have two assholes
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
