eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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