Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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