non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
