i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
