i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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