If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
