I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
