he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
