i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Too much gin, very little bucket
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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