u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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