How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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