too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
