capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
