Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
