Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
