i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
