My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
