I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I puked a lego.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
