I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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