watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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