After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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