her facebook's as public as her vagina
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There r osticjed everywhere
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
