Porn is love you can see.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
