a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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