Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
