Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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