is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
