That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
