good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
