Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
