She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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