i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
