I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
