just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
