Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
