Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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