I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
