Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
