People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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