i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
