wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
