I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
