What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
