ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
