So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
