I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
