hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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