Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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