Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you traded sex for a burrito?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
