The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
