New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There were containers of weed in the piรฑata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
Randomize