I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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