i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How does one acquire holy water?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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