she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
