Umm I'm too high to move.
youre lurking in front of me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
