Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize