Taylor Swift is so right about you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
