Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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