Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
