I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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