i wish there were pregnant emoticons
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
