take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
