You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
