I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
