She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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