Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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