thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
