fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
