Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
