My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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