you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize