i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
