i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
