i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think people are normalizing furries
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
