No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
