If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
