Are we in a gay sports bar?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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