My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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