I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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