Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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