She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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